sagitarianricky's Blog

I have not posted in a long time. I had a reality slap today. If I dont keep up with my boards, and keep in touch  I will start to lose them. And no matter how I get wrapped up in my life, I have to make time to talk to my friends or I may lose them.

I almost lost a friend who is near and dear to me because I have not been returning phone calls like I should.  I know the feeling of that "left on the sidelines" sense of loss ...I always told myself I wouldnt do that to anyone. And yet I found I have.

And for that I apologize

Ricky

peace

OH yeah I tellya this much..I have heard Kilpatrick  tell more lies about his relationship  And you thought the government was covering up an alien ufo crash was bad LOL ...That pales in comparrison

I would like to correct myself.

When I was at the fountain just clearing my thoughts. I realized something. I am not just enjoying the summer because I havent had a seizure. I found friends who have missed out on these nice days of summer and when I tell them about how nice it is. They dont get angry or upset, they tell me good job, congratulations,way to go,.

A girl I talk with has had seizures so severe it has impaired her thought process and makes her stutter. And yet she still is happy for me. So when I am at the fountain..I am not there alone, I have these wonderful friends with me, in spirit and in my heart. That is what truly makes this the best summer ever..friends and not just the months I have had seizure free

I called the epilepsy foundation of michigan for some literature on

epilepsy .  She asked me when my last seizure was and I told her . the lady on the phone said that it was great considering how hot it has been this summer

If I have a seizure tonight or tommorow, I can honestly say that this is the best summer of my life. I havent missed one day of it .Because usually the day after a seizure I dont want to do anything or go anywhere. And All summer I have enjoyed everyday. Not even when I was a little kid I truly enjpyed a summer like this. I call it a Neurological Holiday

Yeah I know it sounds cheesey naming this break from epilepsy

but what the heck. why not

I havent been posting much, but I have mainly been seeking out other sponsors in case the 4livingwellfoundation deal  doesnt pan out. Something tells me as much as I hope that does, it may not...probably paranoia or just nerves. But anyways I have been writing my thoughts in the notebook that was meant for the questions I would like to ask my neurologist and others with and without epilepsy...I guess it has kinda turned into a epilepsy journal. The Notes are scrambled through different pages....because I do most of my writing outside at the fountain in front of the Warren Civic Center.  I have a page where I talk about regreting not being more outspoken on the topic of epilepsy earlier in life. I had to write that down to get it off my mind.

I just dont want people to think I make my videos for an ego trip , getting praised for what im doing..I do admmit that I read the comments over and over again even after I answered them.

And I wonder, is that my ego or is it being proud of myself .Maybe its a little of both.

A friend of mine contacted the 4livingwell foundation. inc and said they will join me in my efforts to get the word out concerning epilepsy and that Epilepsy Awareness is definitely a worthy cause. He has to wait a couple of weeks to work out the details.

Keep your fingers toes and eyes crossed.

I have been writing questions on a notepad that I plan on asking my neurologist, I never realized how many questions I have that I feel need to be answered about epilepsy, not for me but others who watch my videos. I am still working on the video camera but when I get it and go to my neurologist I may wind up making two appointments, one for myself and one so I can ask him the questions that I thought of . But these are questions that I do feel need answers for others. But I also have been busy with other things too. So my time is limited. Im just letting you know I am still alive too LOL

I talked with Nina on the phone lastnight, she was upset and crying. She had a seizure again. This morning she called and thanked me for listening to her and she asked me if it was normal for a person to cry after a seizure I  told her after a person has a seizure a person can feel any emotion, sad, angry, beligerant..It takes time to get your head together agter a seizure. Believe me, it isnt easy. Sometimes after I have a seizure I tend to deny it at first I dont know why either...Its just the way it is. I will come to senses after an hour or so and say "yeah I had a seizure" time to start over again...take a deep breath and try again.

My nephew and niece spent the weekend here.  We had a great time, played video games, they dragged me into the fountain in front of the Warren Civic Center. (yeah right I went willingly)  Ate lunch there.

Just basicly been having a good time. Other little kids were splashing me and I was splashing them right back. I had to stop and take my medicine for epilepsy and some of the kids asked me why I take medication. I told them about my epilepsy, they asked a few questions..and my answers seem to satisy them and we went right back into the fountain and started all over .

My thought is this; what time in our lives does ignorance take over curiousity? Asking questions instead of whispering about a persons disabiliy?  Why does a parent tell their child "you shouldnt ask questions like that?" Why do adults seem to turn the simplest answers into a hateful whisper campaign?

If we all kept that childlike curiousity and ask more questions without fearing the answer, things in this world would be better.

Several opprotunities have presented themselves. Corporate and private businesses . They will help if things work out. And most of all. If they dont work out, My mother is going to help out. I didnt want to ask, this is something I wanted to do without the help of family, I guess I was just trying to prove to them  that I could do this on my own. When my mother offered, I feel like I let myself down, disappointed that I would have to go to family

Even though sometimes you have to swallow your pride, it still hurts . Just hope one of these offers come to fruition. Because if it doesnt, I dont want to feel like I am crawling to mommy for a new toy

I woke up this morning, took my medicine and realized its been close to 5 count it FIVE 1-2-3-4-5  F-I-V-E  CINCO  MONTHS since my last SEIZURE!!!!!!!!!!

Knock on wood.

Well as I said before I was born with epilepsy. As a kid its like I knew I had it  and my train of thought was "yeah whatever" But as I hit 11 or 12 I grew more aware of it. I began to wonder to myself "out of all my cousins and brothers and sisters , why me?"  As I grew older towards 13 or 14 I hated it with a passion. When I turned 15 all my friends were talking about getting a drivers license and cars. Knowing I may not be able to drive I grew bitter. Seeing my friends drive off, being left at the wayside. Towards 16 I was depressed, being left behind seeing my friends going out on dates.

I began to wonder to myself "Who would want to date me? I have epilepsy no one will want to date me , who could love a person with epilepsy?" When I was 17 there was a girl in my neighborhood I would just say hi to if we passed eachother while walking down the street. She had lived in tthe neighborhood for a few years. I dont know what made me do it, but I saw her sitting on her porch and I crossed the street and started talking with her"

She asked me why I always looked sad or upset, I told her I would rather not talk about it. But she kept poking and prodding me to tell her. So I told her I have epilepsy. She asked me what it is and I told her. She said "So, why be sad? Its not your fault." I couldnt answer her. I just shook my head. She said "Just tell me"  I had a hard time getting the words out because  I was begginning to cry. But i managed to blurt it out. I had never been out or dated a girl before, who wants to date a guy with epilepsy and cant drive? By the time I got the words out I was in tears crying for what seemed like forever. She put her arm around and said "I would" It took a few minutes to sink in.

She said she had wondered why I wouldnt talk to her . She told me I was a good looking guy and had been wanting me to talk to her. She tried talking with me before but I didnt talk much and thought I wasnt interested.  I was happy she said that but I was still crying.  We sat on the swing hanging on the porch and she just held me. Sat there with her arm around just holding me. Finally after I stopped crying I told her I had such a bad crush on her from the first day she moved into the neighborhood.  We sat on there, for 4 or 5 hrs just talking. To me it seemed like an eternity though. Which I enjoyed. When she had to go in for the night she said goodnight and I said goodnight . Thats when I leaned over towards her and kissed her. I thought oh my god what did I just do? She is gonna hate me. She returned the kiss

We dated for 2 years after that.always walking down the street together and holding hands When I turned 19 my father died and my family and I moved. We dated still then just called eachother, then lost contact with eachother.

I seen her today. She is married and has three boys.

I learned an important lesson from her. The lesson was there are people who can accept people for who they are and look past the flaws .

The best love there is, The unconditional love of another person. She gave me her phone number, we talked and I talked with her husband.

I told her on the phone. Thank you for the lesson I learned And she started crying I was like oh god what did I do. She said it was the sweetest thing she ever heard.

I just want to say thank you Lisa. :)