MyFoxAtlanta

MY THOUGHTS ON

SMOKING

So now people can't smoke outside in certain areas. I smoke, and I will follow that law. Now if they would stop large people from wearing spandex and bikini's that would be nice.

I once quit smoking and coffee, started a sensible diet, began a workout program and I had a heart attack. Now I smoke, drink gallons of coffee, eat red rare meats and don't work out. I feel great!

I only smoke when I am awake.

I don't smoke, the cigarette smokes, I'm just the sucker at the other end.

Only thing worse then a non-smoker is an ex-smoker. They like to tell you how much better they can breath now that they quit. I usually punch them in the stomach afterwards and ask how they are breathing now.

I have cut back on smoking, almost quit. I went without smoking for 40 hrs, and then I went to work. While there, once people found out, they kept offering me cigarettes until I gave in and had one. I am so proud of them, I do this to everyone who says they quit.

Cigarettes don't kill people, the companies that continue to sell them kill people. They are just as guilty as the manufacturers and anyone else involved.

Most pharmacies advertises that they really care about you and your health. They also have the lowest priced cigarettes in the neighborhood

I don’t mind giving someone a cigarette if they run out. I don’t give cigarettes to people who never buy any.

MY THOUGHTS ON

MEDICAL TREATMENT

I went to 2 psychiatrists in my life. They were both crazy.

If the side effects of any medications I have to take are longer then the illness I am taking them for, or include anal leakage, I think I’ll just stay ill thank you very much.

My dr. said I needed to reduce the amount of stress in my life, so he gave me stress pills? Shouldn't they be non-stress pills?

Depression medication causes a lack of sex drive. A lack of sex drive causes depression.

If I miss my appointment, the dr. charges me anyway. If I have to wait an hr after my appointment time to see my dr., I don't get a discount.

I keep phony bottles of prescription medications in my medicine cabinet to freak out nosey guests.

I had 1 of those unable to function sexually guy nights the other night. I have a lot on my mind with closing the business and all, which I say is the cause of this recent malfunction. My Lady is paranoid and thinks she doesn't turn me on anymore, she thinks I am tired of her, she's fat etc etc. She even dyed and cut her hair and bought new clothes. Now I feel even worse and I am putting much more unnecessary pressure on myself, and it is causing more problems. AAAHHHHHH!!!!

The best way to stop a person from snoring and keeping you up all night is to smother them with a pillow.

I am hoping on getting a new disease, so they can name it after me. Since we don't try and find cures for things anymore, just meds to keep you comfortable and alive to buy more meds, I figure this is the best way to go down in history for eternity. Oh you have Dominick disease, here's some oxycoton, it will make you feel better, and we can keep you alive for 50 years - or as long as you keep taking your meds and feeding us money.

The only reason we diagnose people with all these different forms of mental illness, ADD - Depression - Addictive Personality - etc, and the 50 different forms of each, is so we can keep our Pharmacies and CEO's of pharmaceutical companies rich. Also, so we can give people built in excuses for acting like jerks. For instance, I have multiple personalities and suffer from delusions of grandeur. I am also bipolar and obsessive compulsive. Now I get to take many many meds to make me feel better. Another word for feel better is high or sedated.

MY THOUGHTS ON

LAW ENFORCEMENT

I once chased a thief for a 1/2 mile. When I finally caught up to him we walked next to each other on opposite sides of a small fence catching our breath. When he started to run again I hit him with a walkie talkie I had in my hand because I wasn't running anymore. Was this unnecessary force? I don't think so. I was tired and he was still running. I understand how after a long chase the Police are so mad they just want to beat the criminals ass!

More resources are spent trying to catch a vigilante then on trying to catch criminals.

Private detectives are called Dicks for a reason.

Is sending a homosexual sex offender to prison really a punishment?

Want to have some fun? Next time you see a Traffic Accident start taking pictures. The driver at fault will freak.

The suspect has brown hair and eyes. I hope he has eyes…. get it?

Counseling should be part of the punishment for a crime, not THE punishment.

Apopka Police set up a road sting on Sheeler rd. and 441. Within 2 hrs they caught over 50 drivers breaking the law. They still don't have sidewalks there for people to walk on.

The Fraternal Order of Police District 7 called my house for a donation. I explained how tight my budget was, but they wouldn't give up. After 10 min I gave in and pledged $15. Now I received the packet in the mail, and I don't have the money to give them. They really need to learn No Means No.

If you did something wrong and admit it, judges tend to be more lenient on you then if you make up silly reasons or excuses or deny the obvious.

Making a law against pan handling isn't going to help our homeless situation. If you really want to fix the homeless problem, deport all the illegal aliens and give the homeless their jobs and their homes to live in. You can't be homeless if you have a home and a job.

When reading the bail conditions to OJ, the judge said no contact with the defendants or anyone else involved in the case. That's no contact, no direct contact, no indirect contact. Then he named off all kinds of indirect contact including carrier pigeon LOL. It was great.

When OJ left the court house he was expecting Al Sharpton and the NAACP to be there for him. Instead he got a bloody glove and Mark Fermon. Hey they did it for him the 1st time.

Can you imagine all the violence there would be in this world if no one could lie?

MY THOUGHTS ON

TRAFFIC

Right on red is the worst driving law ever enacted. More people are hit because of right on red then anything else except drunk drivers.

They built a service road on OBT for safety. When I asked if they were going to build a sidewalk alongside the road, they said it wasn't in the budget. The next day 15 trucks full of new sod for the median pulled up. I guess only drivers need to be safe, not pedestrians. No wonder no one walks anywhere in Florida.

Since I walk and take public transportation, I see much more of my neighborhood and get to talk to more people then I ever could from behind the steering wheel. This isn’t always a good thing.

Jam is kind of slippery, I think we should name it Traffic Glue instead of traffic jams.

Apopka city limits signs don't match up with the geography of Apopka. I live in Apopka, and the city limits sign is 5 miles further away Downtown.

People blow their horn at me when I walk down the center in a parking lot instead of walking along the side. Cars pulling out of their spots start to back up 1st, then look.

I am very happy with those crossing signs that have the time left to cross the street on them, now if we can only get drivers making a right on red to look for pedestrians before they pull into the crosswalk.

People who yell out their window while driving, attempting to scare pedestrians are morons. Better make sure you don't have to stop anytime soon, because some of us will chase you down and beat your butt. I usually just throw my drink at their cars. It's a normal reflex action when I am scared.

I was crossing 436 and Piedmont-Wekiva the other day and a car pulled right into the crosswalk forcing me into the main side with the green light to go. I had 11 seconds to get on the sidewalk, but instead I decided to just wait in front of this car and not let him go. I figured since he disrespected my lousy 5 feet of space and 40 seconds I have to cross the street, he wasn't going anywhere until he backed up. I waited there even after the light changed and was green for him. There was a lot of horn blowing and screaming at me. Imagine that, this guy didn't want me in his space, but it was fine he was in mine.

I know I am beating a dumb driver by constantly mentioning this BUT here we go again. When driving, you need to stop before the crosswalk and check for people crossing the street before you make your right turn on red!

People who ride a service lane or a lane where the traffic jam is to get past it faster, then cut in to a lane that isn't moving when they reached the part that's all jammed up, are the cause of the traffic jam continuing. Oh they are also morons.

Why are buses so dang gone cold?

A guy was complaining about them making talking on your cell phone illegal when you are driving. I said good. He got surprised and stopped talking.

MY THOUGHTS ON

POLITICS

Mayor Bloomberg and Arnold are the best politicians of this generation. They honestly care about the issues they said they cared about when they ran for office, and are doing something about it no matter what anyone says. Hats off to you both.

The earth is hotter then ever. Fires are ripping through the country because of droughts. No we don't have an environmental problem and there is no global warming. My portfolio is heavily weighted in the production that pollutes our air and water, and aerosols, chemicals and energy product. There is no global warming, because it will cut into the millions of dollars I already have invested in fixing the problem. Quote the politician

Politics are a battle of propaganda.

Obama Ben Laden

The people who are blaming Bush's policy in Iraq as the cause for the Taliban and Al-Qaeda being so strong with insurgents there, are actually the people making them so confident because of all their talk of withdrawal. These groups know that after then next election, we will be out of Iraq, and they will own it.

The only time the gov't will outlaw something that is bad for you or addictive is if they aren't making any money off of it.

I am thinking about running for mayor of Apopka. Talk about a change our mayor here is 125 years old and has been in office for 100 of those years. I don't want a senile old man with Alzheimer’s being propped up on a pedestal while others really make the decisions, I want the person who is elected to make those decisions.

I want to start a new political party and call it WP. Working Politicians. I think it would be a nice change. Seems to me politicians work longer and harder at being elected then they do about anything after they are elected - except pointing out the other parties mistakes.

An English woman in Parliament pitched a 7 year marriage deal. After 7 years you can decide you don't belong together and just split amicably. The men loved this idea, the women hated it saying, "I am not putting up with his BLEEP for 7 years not to get 1/2 when I've had enough!"

So a lot of the talk about Iraq has calmed down since our soldiers stopped being killed so frequently there. Funny how our soldiers stopped being killed so frequently as soon as the debates ended. Another group of our young men and women killed because the liberals want to win an election. Hey liberals, your expendable, our troops aren't. Next time you want to put our soldiers in harms way because of your wanting to win an election, have that debate in a combat zone, or send Your own children there to fight.

I've been watching the story on WWII on PBS recently. Civilian casualties were acceptable then. It is amazing just how tough and disciplined and brave everyone was in our country back then. Not like the pansies we have now. We are all tough until 1 person dies in war, then it's bring our troops home. What happened to us?

If you vote for the people who advertise the most, and have the most money to spend, and you aren't rich - then you are a fool.

Politics is the only business where the workers live better then the bosses.

I am ready to sue the City, State and Federal government for discrimination. I can get every form I need or speak to any office in English or Spanish, but I can’t do it in Italian. Either make everything in 1 language, or make it in every language.

MY THOUGHTS ON

MORONS

YOU MIGHT BE A MORON IF

You think this world revolves around you. It doesn't it revolves around whoever you are talking to.

You blame your child's behavior on everyone and everything except your child.

You think the stock market is for everyone.

You think your politicians care about anyone else except what's best for them and theirs.

You think other people look at your new born wrinkled up baby and think he's cute.

You think any Pharmacy cares about your health.

If you are over 40 and still getting high daily.

You think people like you better when your drunk or stoned.

If you think any other country likes us.

If you base you life on something you can't prove.

If you think things aren't manufactured to break down within a specific time period.

If you think our oil rich politicians really want hybrid cars and solar power.

If you DON'T think that the tax on communications - phone, cable, satellite is way out of line. A $29.99 a month plan costs $42.56 after the taxes are added in.

If you think the lotto money is really going to the schools.

If you think politicians should be older. They just know how to scam better after a lifetime of practice.

If you think anyone cares about your high-score.

If you think teens are smart enough to make the correct choices.

If you listen to music that contain lyrics that people will call you racist or look to fight you if you sing them.

If you pick up on the lingo that illegal aliens aren't anything else then illegal aliens. Not undocumented migrants - just criminals.

If you think the people that hire and house illegal’s aren't criminals themselves.

If you think something that's to good to be true is a great investment.

You think a sidewalk in front of your home would ruin your lawn.

You don't stop before the crosswalk when making a right on red.

You think right to work is better for the majority then worker's rights.

If you've taken a variable rate mortgage on your home because your "broker" said it was a great deal.

If you listen to any stock broker, bank person or anyone else who gets a commission off of how much money you spend.

MY THOUGHTS ON

PARENTING

Computers shouldn't be allowed to teach any subject until the child can do the subject with good old pen and paper. Have you ever asked a 5th grader a math problem? The 1st thing they do is look for a calculator or a computer, because they can't figure it out with a pencil!

There's a difference between spanking your children for bad behavior and abuse. The reason children are so screwed up these days is because they never had to go into the yard and bring in a swisher stick to get an ass whooping. I was never afraid of being punished, I was afraid of getting my ass beat. That's what stopped me from being a delinquent, not a time out.

Being a grandparent is awesome. The best part is watching your children's children doing to them the same things your children did to you :) Also, the wow Mom Dad was I like that, I'm sorry is awesome when it comes to you.

Just once I'd like to hear that a parent actually blamed their child for something that their child did instead of everyone and everything else that caused their child to do their wrongdoing

Why would someone name their child Eugene?

You aren't allowed to pass a school bus when they are stopped loading and unloading children. Just a reminder.

I know a man named Lynn???????

My daughter was a member of the Math League and a cheerleader in high school. Talk about extremes.

I want my children to have everything I didn't have as a child, but I want them to get it as a reward for behavior, good grades and chores.

The parents of children convicted of crimes should also get sentenced to community service and parenting counseling.

Rich people's children aren't celebrities because they are rich. They are spoiled rotten brats and terrible role models for our children. Well at least the ones we hear about.

I find parents who tell their children, "Go ahead and cry you still aren't getting it" in a department store as annoying as their brat child. They both need a spanking.

Did you body tingle when you read spanking? Hi, would you like to have a cup of coffee?

People who stay married for the children, and fight and don't like each other, aren't helping their children. They are harming them way more then a divorce would.

I saw a woman change her babies diaper in a Wal-Mart parking lot, and then take that nasty diaper and throw it in the shopping cart, push the cart away and drive off. A trash pail was on the other side of her car by the cart corral. That's just nasty and very inconsiderate.

Kids playing sports unsupervised follow the rules of the game and almost never get into an argument over the game. Add adult supervision and it's mayhem.

I saw this really petite girl pushing a baby stroller today. When I looked at the baby, he had a huge cranium. I wonder how much that hurt. I felt bad for her.

MILF use to be women in the twenties and up. Now it's 15 and up. That’s sad.

I honestly believe the same parents that were complaining that the school didn't release their kids to them during the lightning storm, and how it is their right to get their kids, would be 1st in line at Bogus, Mums and Dumbs to file a lawsuit against the school if something happened to them on the way home.

Tomorrow, my daughter turns 20. Now I really feel old.

Any woman 18 or older wearing pig tails has a problem. If she wears them because her husband likes them, then they both have a problem, and you should watch your yungens around their home.

I you give your son a girl’s name, don’t be surprised if he grows up to be gay.

I saw a 25 year old woman carry her 30 pound baby boy across the parking lot after shopping. That night at work, she asked for help to put 5 twenty pound bags of dog food on the shelf. Ironic isn’t it?

MY MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS

MADD should stay with teaching people about drunk drivers and stay out of other issues, because it lowers their credibility if they get involved with too many different issues like the name of a new alcohol.

Are Venetian blinds Italian?

Latte tastes like burn regular coffee

There is a light bulb in a firehouse that has been burning for over 50 years, I am happy if mine last for a month.

Steroid are to sports like false promises are to politicians.

When did the meaning of free change to no? I went into a smoke free office and asked for a cigarette, they threw me out.

It isn't the words you use that make things bad it's how you say them.

Staples are better then paper clips.

I listen to Frank Sinatra CD's in my home.

My watch doesn't work, and I still wear it.

I have a shoebox full of nails, screws, push pins, drill bits and more. I really need to go through that and sort it out. Maybe later.

I really don't like lightning, that’s why I moved to the area with the 2nd most lighting strike in the world.

Most of the spam porn I get in my email is from addresses ending in Yahoo and Hotmail. Can't these huge companies figure out who is doing this?

Tennis balls, basketballs, baseballs, soccer balls all round, football? Is it really a ball, or something else?

The space station is falling, the space station is falling!

I planted a quarter in my garden. Nothing grew.

Don't mistake kindness for weakness.

Thunder sucks. Lightning is worse.

Change sucks. You collect it, then have nowhere to use it. If you go to the store with a pocket full of change to pay, you can hear the moans and groans from the clerk and the people behind you. To deposit it you have to pay for coin rolls and lug it all to the bank. To cash it in a machine they keep 8%. Change sucks.

I'm 42 years old, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

I just finished reading Cell by Stephen King. The ending is a make it yourself kind - unlike him. If you are a nice person, the thing works and the world is restored back to normal. If you are like me, it doesn't work - the guy gets killed by his kid and the world ends in chaos. I like my ending better.

I hate when oil splatters from the pan and burns my arm.

I like waffles topped with Neapolitan ice cream, caramel syrup and a few strawberries. Now that’s a breakfast.

I've never liked fish up until recently. Now really enjoy it. I find that amazing since I didn't like it for over 40 years.

My body tells my mind what it wants to eat. I mean very specifically. When I am low on a vitamin or a mineral or a little dehydrated, I don't get a craving for soda. I get a craving for fruit - especially a watermelon. Not enough protein it wants some sort of beef. I always have to choose to eat things like chips or candy, my body never sends me a craving signal for them. Not even a big Mac.

I have a free room at the Hard Rock Casino in Tamp any day in August...anyone want to go?

The Florida EVERGLADES are quickly becoming the Florida Used-to-be-Glades

Please don't try and be funny if you aren't a funny person. It's like fixing a car when your not a mechanic, you screw things up.

I think all screw heads should be the same size. Just the length and treading should be different. 45 different dang gone screwdrivers to do 1 job is ridiculous.

I own an electric pencil sharpener and I don't own any pencils.

It's better to walk to answers then jump to conclusions.

Why doesn't Florida have a recycling program?

My favorite emote is the evil grin.

My name is Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire, I own a mansion and a yacht.

It's 10:20 pm and I just made a pot of coffee :)

The hottest toy for Christmas this year will be Turret’s Elmo. He says, “Hi, I’m #$%^& Elmo!”

My first 2 dolls in my new line are ready to hit the stores. Call Girl Barbie and Crack head Ken! Barbie comes complete with a sidewalk and a purse full of condoms. Ken comes with a usable crack pipe and butane lighter. Keep an eye out for Heroin Harvey, Pot Head Paul, Cocaine Cleo and Cheating Wife Chelsea to be released later this year!

My closest public mailbox is 2 miles from my home.

I’m at lunch right now bored out of my mind. That’s when I get these thoughts….when I’m bored.

I like chocolate chip cookies and milk.

MY THOUGHTS ON

DISCRIMINATION

Why didn't Al Sharpton demand the woman who accused the Duke Lacrosse players of rape march in protest that she be prosecuted for false accusations? Did Oprah ever do a follow up show saying the truth as to what happened?

If you segregate yourself from other races by making things just for your race, then protest and march when other races make the same things, can you blame people for not liking you?

Why do a lot of Hispanic people take it personal when illegal’s are mentioned? Geraldo I mean You.

Bill Maher Americans will do any job, and no we shouldn't thank illegal immigrants, we should fine them for back taxes and deport them, the people who hired them, and the people who rented houses to them should be fined and imprisoned as well.

I think if a woman really want to be equal she should take the first step. She should not force the man to lift the lid and then put it down on the toilet, she should take 1/2 the responsibility and either lift when she's done or put down before she starts----that’s equal.

Is the moral majority really the majority or are they just the loudest? These people need to learn how to change channels.

Racial Profiling is only offensive to those groups being profiled.

If words an opinions offend you, then you are too sensitive.

I am starting a protest against Burger King because the Whopper is a racial slur against Italian people. Whoppers candy beware, you are next. That's so silly

I wear a t-shirt that says illegal Immigrants are Criminals. Americans talk with me about it, Mexicans look at me and talk to each other in Spanish.

Why does a person who isn't a politician have to be politically correct?

I don't consider the person who dropped those illegal’s back off in Tiawana a vigilante or a criminal. He is my Superman!

If someone does something you don't like you have every right to tell them to stop. They have every right not to listen.

I heard Al Sharpton and the NAACP are calling for the removal of JC Penney's CEO, because Al received a flyer in the mail advertising their White Sale

You don't need a parade to show pride. Pride is a feeling inside you. Parades for individual groups are just a show of force & power & another reason to get drunk. Real parades are for reasons all Americans can celebrate like 4th of July, Thanksgiving, etc etc.

Press 1 for English. Press 2 for Spanish. Press 3 if you want a V Visa

White Christmas is a racist song.

The Presidential Candidate who stands up and says NO Amnesty for illegal’s without caring about losing the Hispanic vote, will win the election.

My friend was turned down for gov't aide because he is a single male living alone. He barely can pay his rent and has to collect scrap metal to pay his electric. He has nothing. That night I saw 3 families of illegal’s and their anchor children using food stamps to get food. This is wrong.

I am Italian. My ancestors had slaves. Christians, Jews and other white people, not black people. My family migrated to the US in 1913. We never had slaves, nor did we ever own a segregated business. We were all for the equal rights amendment and never did anything to hurt another race. Yet I am called a cracker, and I am paying a debt in this country that white people earned long before my family was ever here. That isn't fair.

When I was in England, I saw nothing like we have here. There was a class system, not a race system. I find that amazing since there was racism in South Africa ( A British colony) up until the late 80's. How do they do it? Don't the English have the same history of slavery as the US? I guess the Blacks in England say it was a long time ago and we are glad to be here.

Hey native Americans, just because you have a reservation that's outside the law, doesn't mean we will sit back and let you grow pot on it. You can have a casino because we get tax money in deals from you, but not pot! That’s silly.

I applied for food stamps and was able to get them as long as I didn't make 1060 a month.

I make 1125. My neighbor, an illegal, gets 262 in food stamps a month, plus welfare, Medicare and other programs because he works off the books. Am I the dumb one here? Loyal to following the laws of a country who gives a damn about me?

We have to add something now to dotting the I's and crossing the T's. Now we must also pronounce our J's as H's.

Do not start a sentence off to me with "in my country", because if you live in the US then THIS is your country now.

I make a few dollars more per month that I can to receive aid. I am giving up my American Citizenship, becoming a Mexican Citizen and sneaking back here across the border. This way if I am illegal, I can get a good job, and every gov't benefit I was turned down for.

I saw a Mexican suspiciously looking around and then run as I was walking to work. A few minutes later a police offer pulled up next to me and asked if I saw the man I mentioned earlier. I told him yes, where he was going and what he was doing. Then I mentioned that he was Mexican and might be illegal. I also asked if he was still going to look for him since, after all, I was told the police couldn't really do anything to illegal’s since it takes so long for ins to get back to them. He looked at me angrily and drove off. Oh, btw I was very sarcastic.

Do you know me, probably not, that's why I carry this - The Screwed American Card - this guarantees that I will be fully prosecuted to the extent of the law for anything I do, be denied any gov't help and be forced to follow all of America's laws, while illegal’s run free and unharrassed.

So this morning I saw an interview on the news of a Black Man in a diner that had no other race in it then black people - workers, patrons etc, who graduated from a black college, who reads black entrepreneur magazine and whose favorite channel on TV is BET talking about how there is still racism in America. I wonder if he was talking about himself?

I'm Italian, and yet I have to check Caucasian and not Latino on any application I fill out. Italians are more Latin then any South American country. I think.

STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE.

Just because you don't like something or feel something is inappropriate, doesn't mean everyone else feels the same for. For that matter, I can bet you that 99.9% of the people in this world couldn't care less what you think. No one should have to give up something they like, because you don't like it. Change channels, don't play or stay away from the things you don't like. This message brought to you by someone from the way life should be.

Stop looking for things that offend you, and start looking at the things you do that might offend others.

I am 2nd generation American. I consider myself American from Italian descent. I don't want to Italianize America, but I have Americanized my Italian culture. I wish others would do the same.

I feel American culture is more important then any other culture in this country. If you don't feel this way, then why don't you go back to the country where your culture is on top.

A woman said she's pretty open minded but she finds a new slot machine featuring 1950's calendar girls sexist. I said she's not as open minded as she gives herself credit for. Maybe she should look at how others look at her before she rates herself.

In all my time at the flea market I never sold anything to a person who doesn't speak English, until I mentioned it. This week was a mix. I guess welfare for the anchor babies came through.

MY THOUGHTS ON

RELIGION

If I put my hand on the bible and swear to tell the truth, but I am Buddhist, does it count? Why not just raise your right hand and say you will tell the truth, and leave God out of it?

If I am an atheist and believe in evolution does the phrase so help me God really have any meaning?

Any religion who changes their way of doing things to become more modern and get more people to join them, isn't really a religion it's a scam.

Why is it that religious leaders who quote the bible are rich? They tell you to give up everything ---- to them and morons do it.

Religion is a struggle for power and the almighty dollar

Televangelists are thieves.

Saying people who don’t believe like you will go to a bad place when they die is arrogant and self righteous and a tool to keep your donation dollars going to only 1 church. My God rewards good people no matter what they believe, and bad people don't get rewarded for being child molesters and murders and rapists because they are sorry.

Jesus said blessed are the weak, the poor and the hungry for they shall inherit the earth. Is this why the Pope lives in a golden palace?

We get crazy when we build over burial ground in this country, but we go to a lot of other countries and dig up their dead from the past and put them on display? Sorry Tut

Yesterday I was cut off on the highway by someone with a fish on their car. I also think he gave me the finger.

Jehovah Witnesses are the most unselfish people I've ever met. They believe there is only like 200,000 seats in heaven and they still go door to door asking you to join. If that was me I’d be discouraging you from joining, so I could keep my seat!

The Easter Bunny hides eggs? How confusing is that?

Santa Clause is used to threaten children into good behavior, and a symbol for corporations to use to increase sales at 1 time of year. Santa has nothing to do with the meaning of Christmas. We need to hang up Santa and show our children why we really exchange gifts on Christmas, it's a celebration of love.

Christian Charities has been asking us to sponsor a child for at least 4 generations now, and these people's kids are still starving. I'd rather sponsor a plane ticket to get these people to somewhere where there's food, because I don't want this burden also passed to my grandchildren. It is obvious these monies aren't being used correctly, because even I can learn how to grow a carrot in 40 years.

When someone tells you if you keep acting like you do you will go to hell, they are appointing themselves as God. Who are they to speak for God?

I've watched Joel Osteen on TV. He is the only televangelist I can put up with for more then 30 seconds. He takes everyday life issues and talks about how to deal with them. He doesn't talk damnation, but salvation. He doesn't preach intolerance for other religions but about the good in all people. If more teledudes were like him I might not think they were all money grabbing con artist......Na they're all that way

The Hour of Power is a Christian TV show. Funny how Christianity went from The meek shall inherit the earth to the hr of power.

Do unto others before they can do unto you - then run.

Why is it that Christian Holidays are the only religious holidays that involve spending large amounts of money on children? Is it a form of bribery to get them to believe?

Jehovah Witness' came to my house. I invited them in and after 1/2 hr they made up an excuse to leave :)

A sign on the church around the corner from me reads Sin Gets Punished, Righteousness gets rewarded. As I was reading the sign and walking a car pulled out of the parking lot and cut right in front of me so close I could feel the wind pass me by.

Last night there were tornado warnings on every channel on TV, except for the 3 religious channels. Now that’s Faith.

Rely on Jesus to get you through the tough times. He will get you through them. Send your donations to....I guess that's how Jesus is getting them through the hard times.

A Mexican guy had a Jesus Saves bumper sticker. I laughed and thought, I spend. Jesus is a common name in Mexico by the way it doesn't necessarily mean God.

I am always wondering about the Thou Shalt Not Kill commandment. If I killed people in combat in service for this country, will I be forgiven? I can honestly tell you I am not sorry for it. Neither were the Knights during the Crusades. Will we all be in hell together?

If 1 more person preaches their religion to me, I am going to put a foot in their butt. Then tell them I guess God didn't warn you about that did he?

A man on the bus gave me a God pamphlet and told me Jesus loves me. I smiled at him and said God will get you for that.

Do you think they called the devil the anti-Christ before Jesus was born?

Could you imagine being God and having to look down and see all the stupid BLEEP people do everyday?

When people say Thank God to me I say why? I really think they should be thanking the person who did that thing. Like Thank Joe or Thank Sally not thank God.

I say God Bless You when someone sneezes. I don't know why, just a reaction. If they sneeze more then once I say sorry only 1 blessing per customer.

I think I am going to change my ways. I will go to church, read the bible, pray and look for God to guide me through the rest of my life. I think I will find God again. Nah

When asked of my views on religion, I said it's usually from a distance.

A preacher said God loved me. I said I don't believe like he did. The preacher answered with that's ok God still loves you. I answered is that why he's going to send me to hell to burn for eternity because I don't pray or go to church like you do? Is that how you treat someone you love? He didn't say anything to me after that.

Why is it that only Christians exploit their major holy days to turn a profit? You don't see Chanukah Harry, Tommy Tao, Bubba Buddha or Markus Mohammad. during the most sacred days of these other religions. They actually celebrate through worship, and not through money, expensive gifts and candy. The only real 2 occasions not celebrated with a profit in Christianity is Ash Wednesday and Assent ion Thursday.

When I have a problem I ask my father, who died in 2000 to help me. I get help and guidance some of the time. When I used to pray to God, I received guidance about some of the time. Ironic isn't it?

Why do people dress up for church? The preacher would rather you showed up in rags and donated the money you spent on the new clothes, and I don't think God cares what you wear to worship, just that you show up, so why dress up? What are we showing off to? Our neighbors? Isn't that a sign of vanity - which by the way is one of the 7 deadly sins.

Why do people insist on giving me literature about their god?

I went to a Catholic school as a kid and was hit with yard sticks and pointers from my nun teachers. That's true. Although, I was so prepared for high school I graduated early.

A 70 year old woman told me she hoped I died the other day because we ran out of 88 cent chicken breasts. I said you must be a Christian. Her eyes got big, she put her head down and walked away.

As the fire is ripping through these people’s homes in California, a woman said she’ll make it through it. She has her daughter, her friends, her animals and she has God. Hmmmmm maybe if she had God BEFORE the fires, her house wouldn’t have burnt to the ground! Ya think?

Just because your current life is so screwed up that all you can think of is what you will do in the next life, doesn’t mean that mine is that bad too. Keep your God to yourself unless asked please, thank you.

MY THOUGHTS ON

ANIMALS

Love Bugs should have a name change to perverted bugs. There's no love there...just sex

A stray dog was running around my neighborhood the other night. I called the police, they said I have to call Animal Control. Animal Control was closed and wouldn't open until the morning. By the morning the dog was gone. This happened for 3 consecutive nights until the dog was finally hit by a car and on the side of the road. Sad story, but true.

Buzzards are a lot bigger in person then they look on animal planet.

Squirrels are daylight rats with fuzzy tails.

I know people who bring their dog to doggie daycare when they go to work.

Would we consider fishing a family activity if the hooked fish screams in pain the whole time we are reeling it in?

Animals are better then people, because an animal will love you no matter what you look like or believe

I don't have pets, I have animal friends. If there is a pet...it's me.

I have a female kitten and a male puppy. I want to breed them, but I don't know what to call the babies. Puttins or Kippies. or the adults when they grow. Dats or Cogs.

I hunt with a camera.

My kitten will sit and watch the TV, until a commercial comes on. Then she leaves.

Why do people say you are getting your pet fixed when you get them spade or neutered? You aren't fixing them, you are breaking them.

Every greeting card I get has a picture of animals on it's front. Thanks :)

I've had my puppy for 3 weeks now, and he walks next to me, comes when I call him, and is housebroken.

I've never taught him any of this, he does it on his own. I am lucky.

People who have wolves for pets, and then get eaten by them, got what was coming to them. Don't put down the wolves for acting like they are - wild animals, blame the owner.

I can watch a bug zapper for hours.

My puppy and kitten know when the microwave dings, something is ready to eat.

My dog licks my cats butt. My cat doesn't return the favor.

My pup doesn't like the Green Milk Bones. He'll eat bugs, wood, paper, carpet, & my cats butt, by not the green milk bones?

Of all the cat toys I've purchased, my kitten enjoys the wadded up piece of paper the best.

I built my dog his own couch. He doesn't allow me to sit on it.

I get along with animals better then people.

I give away kittens as favors for people, so they have a chance to live. Whenever I do this, other people tell me to make sure they get a good home, and tell me to ask a lot of questions. I say to those people, "do you want the kitten?" They say "no." I say "go away then."

A kennel boy at the animal hospital shoveling BLEEP makes more per hour then the person handling your meat at the grocery store. Scary isn't it?

I caught 3 kittens under a trailer and gave them away at the flea market. A woman told me it's to hot for them outside and I should not keep them at the flea market. I told her they've been living under a trailer for 7 weeks, in the heat fending for themselves. She shrugged and said you still shouldn't have them here. She has to be a moron.

My puppy and kitten are getting along fine. They are even learning from each other. My cat plays with and eats dog bones, and my dog's first play attack is with his paws. I see breeding in their future. Any bidders?

I saw a lesser quality doggie dish then I make for 3 times the price in the store. They have some scrodums to sell it that high. Doggone thieves.

My partner and I have come up with a name for our store, We're calling it Dog E. Style

Germans have Shepherds, Brits have Bulldogs, Alaskans have Huskies, Mexicans have Chichawahs nice.

A person will pay $900 for a dog, $1800 for a parrot, $45 for salt water fish but won't donate $5 for a kitten. Poor kittens - so misunderstood.

Guy aren't suppose to like cats. Ever since I saw The Godfather with one on his lap, I like them. If they are good enough for Don Corleone, they are good enough for me.

My puppy is very afraid of thunder. He shakes and won’t detach himself from me. My kitten sleeps through the storms.

My pup and kitten make a great team. My kitten swats things down and my pup chews them up.

I test all my pet furniture on my pup and kitten. They like everything. Even the screw ups.

Lightning crashed so close to my house that the impact knocked the pictures off my wall. I got nervous and my kitten had a ball swatting them around.

When I get home from work both my puppy and kitten are waiting for me at the door. The puppy is there to get excited and say Hi Papa!!! The kitten is there to swat the puppies tail as it wags :)

I built myself a new bed. My kitten and pup really have a lot of confidence in my building. The kitten hung out underneath it playing around as I was building it, and my pup was jumping all over the padding as I upholstered it. They are great.

Both my kitten and puppy meat me at the door. The pup gets to say hello first, when he is done, then the kitten gets to say it. They worked this out themselves, and if I pet the kitten before the puppy is done, she runs....not my turn - not my turn

There was a 4 or 5 foot black snake on my workbench outside yesterday. He had me spooked all day.

I brought home all my sample furniture from the flea market. My pup and kitten are in heaven. It's like they got a whole house full of furniture - for them. I now have nowhere to sit and they wont let me use theirs.

My cat is way more affectionate then my dog. When she wants to be.

Both my animal friends that live with me saw me and my lady together last night. I hope they learned something. Kippies on the way :)

Isn't it funny how we find the most disgusting thing on a human body attractive? Where we excrete our bodily waste is also where we put our mouths, and some put it in both places, but we cringe if a dog licks our lips.

My Cat is in heat, and my dog is doing his job. Kippies here we come :)

My cat opens my hamper and throws my clothes all over the floor of the bedroom. My dog picks them up and piles them in the living room and then lays on them like a bed. I can't believe I have to get a lock for my hamper.

A buddy told me having my dog and cat mate is an abomination. I say, who am I to interfere with love.

Well bad news on the Kippies. I was watching my cat and dog go at it when I realized although my cat was ready my dog wasn't. He had all the motion down, but the main part wasn’t ready. Maybe next time my cat gets in heat he will be ready. I can't understand it really, my cat is beautiful, if I was a dog I would do her.

My dog had fleas, so I bath him with flea shampoo, put that advantix on him and also a flea collar. Now he doesn't have fleas anymore, they are just jumping off him onto me now.

My dog and my cat only want me for 2 things. To feed them and scratch their butts.

I heard what I thought was a knock at my door. I opened it and no one was there. I sat back down and it happened again. I answered to no one again. Come to find out my Cat was joking with me and banging her tail on the coffee table. I'm sure her and my pup had a good laugh over that.

My pup won't go potty if someone is watching him....come to think of it...neither will I.

Did you know the life cycle of a flea from birth to reproduction is 3 weeks. I thought it was 72 hrs or so. Never mind why I know that.

I got stung by a wasp Monday. He died, I lived - who won?

MY THOUGHTS ON

TELEVISION

News reporters should get a backbone and ask the tough questions When a politician skirts around a question, they should be told to answer the question

Pull the press out of Iraq, let our troops go through and wipe out all the insurgents and their supporters. Arrest the sympathizers, and stop fighting a so called civilized war. If we fought a civilized war during WWII we'd all be Nazi's now. Haven't we learned from Korea and Vietnam that if you fight a civilized war when the other side isn't...you lose!

Jaws was an awesome movie

The Nextel commercial with the 2 guys dancing to Push It Good is the best commercial ever.

I've had enough of the Geico Gecko

30 minute infomercials are 28 min to long. If Billy Mays is involved they are 29 1/2 min to long.

NO MORE REALITY SHOWS!

Golf is soooooo boring on TV. Even the highlights are boring on tv!

Gay men are funny, Gay women are sexy. Proof Will and Grace - Queer Eye funny. Britney kissing Madonna sexy. Rosie not included.

That Burger King guy is freaky

You know the only thing that tastes like butter? Butter

Imagine a world where the women were in charge and the men stayed home to raise the children. The soap operas would be As the Baseball Spins, All My Golf, Day of our Football Players, etc

I will buy things because the commercial is funny, I won't buy things where the commercial is dumb

I don't find the antique road show interesting.

What crack head thought up the Starburst Berries and Cream commercial.

Ever notice on the King of Queens that there were at least 3 fat jokes per episode on Doug, until Carey got as big as a house. Then they didn't do any fat jokes. Guess fat jokes only work with guys, they aren't funny with women.

Man Hands is one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes.

When I worked at Duanne Reade in Manhattan I met Jerry Stilla and Anne Mera. They are 2 of the genuinely nicest people I have ever met in my life. No wonder they have been married for so long. Thanks for the laughs, continued success for you 2 and your son.

If Rosie is still the Queen of Nice then Madonna is the Queen of Morals.

There are way to many judge shows on tv.

I remember when animated movies were released once a year and they were an event. Now animated movies are as common as Sat morning cartoons.

Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune are the greatest back to back game show combo ever. A show for geniuses followed by a show for morons. What a combo, they got everyone covered.

A don't consider a horror movie one that shows 10 different creative ways to kill people. That’s gore. A horror movie is something like The Shining with Jack Nickelson.

Old movies used to be over 2 hrs long, and the story really didn't even get going for the first 45 min. Today’s movies are 90 min long and you know if it's a bomb after the first 15 min. The old movies came with a couple of cartoons and cost under a dollar. Today’s movies come with advertisements for other movies and cost $8

Does anyone remember the Chiller Movies from years ago on tv. The 6 fingered hand would come out of the ground and the theme Chillllllleeeerrrr would play. That creeped me out as a kid.

When I woke up this morning and turned on the news, the breaking story was a garbage truck on fire, and main stories didn't include murder. It was a good morning.

The Fabreeze scent doesn't last as long as it's commercial does

Baum Chicka baum baum WHAT!

When Jerry is off and Steve does the Springer show he is a man basher and get's way to involved with the people. What made Jerry fun was how he just stood back and let the guests go at it.

I know 50% of today's movies and music because they are remakes of stuff from when I was younger. Where are the new ideas?

If a man treated his wife like Carry and Debra do on tv, they would be considered controlling and abusive.

Head On apply directly to the Forehead. My Foot apply directly to you butt.

Those commercials with the drawings with the dog and the pot head are ridiculous. They must have been high when they came up with that idea.

Just when you think things can't get any worse, Bush goes on all the TV channels to talk about nothing.

Reba isn't a funny show.

I like The Next Best Thing and American Inventor.

We show sex, violence and drug use on tv - but we frown on showing people smoking.

You are NOT the father lol lol. I remember when Maury was credible.

What's up with Montel and that bs psychic he brings on every Wed. She is clearly a fake. If she can answer everyone’s questions using her spirit guide, then why isn't she helping to make the world better? Montel, you disappoint me.

I just saw 300. Good movie, but I would have enjoyed it much more if I was a teen or in my 20's.

I have yet to see an unattractive woman working at Fox. I saw a female camera person in the store the other day wearing her Fox35 T-Shirt. She was a hottie too!

I saw the Fat march the other day on tv. Funny, the 500 pound preacher was voted off.

That director from Kentucky on The Lot was to sentimental. I don't want to vote for a male director that cries.

The Hood Simply Smart commercial where they show the family crying over the spilt milk is funny.

If Windex can kill 99.9% of bacteria on contact, how awesomely strong is that last .1% - we should study those and become that invincible ourselves!

Monday Night Football is about to start. Time to get those new push up bras and thongs you can see through your shorts Hooters and Wing House girls. They are my favorite part of Monday Night Football!

Have you noticed Jolene starting to show a little cleavage on her commercials? I like that in a boring commercial - at least something to gawk at :)

Let's take every show with Tyra Banks on it off the air.

Lifetime Channels is programs specifically designed for women. Now that's sexist.

When I'm having trouble sleeping at night, I watch some porn. Half hr later I'm fast asleep.

Chock Full of Nuts is the coffee of choice for mental institutions.

I drink coffee all day long, so 8 o'clock coffee isn't for me.

They are adding a $6 per carton tax on cigarettes. I think we should add the same tax on food that isn't healthy for you. The McDonalds dollar menu should now be a $7 menu.

Want to buy or rent a great scary movie? Room 1408 had me the kitten and the pup glued to our seat from beginning to end! I don't even remember seeing it advertised in the movies. John Cusak was awesome in this. I give it 10 thoughts.

I am protesting football this year. I don't think an institution like Monday Night Football should be on pay tv. Money hungry owners taking it off network tv for ESPN is just wrong. What about all the people who can't afford cable or satellite, no more Monday Night Football for them. Shame on you NFL, even baseball has the playoffs on free TV. Sad, so sad. Is there nothing left but golf highlights for poor people to watch? Oh and auto racing, like that's a sport. I can drive faster in an oval then you can.

Kudos to baseball for still having the playoffs on network tv. Funny how the most greedy sport can still cater to the poor person. It truly is our national pastime. Even though there are very few Americans left playing it.

Girls Gone Wild is the most successful video series ever made. All my friends saw them, but none own any. Imagine that.

Note to Victoria Secret. I don't want to see 14 year old models in bra's and wings on TV. It isn't sexy - it's sick.

I can't wait to see License to Wed. Looks real funny.

MY THOUGHTS ON

PEOPLE

15 years ago women wanted me that were more sensitive. Now that they have to fight for space because their sensitive man is taking it all up with their hair dyes and wrinkle creams and other make-up products - woman have decided they'd rather have real men, not sensitive feminine men. Lesson - be careful what you want - you might just get it.

Firemen are heroes.

Do you get into your car and move it from the front of one store to the front of the other store less then twenty yards away? Moron

If I hit the lottery, I will stay the same person that I am now. BLEEP

Fat people are just that fat people, and fat isn't pretty no matter what you think. Have you ever met a person who lost 100 pounds and not hear them say how much better they feel about themselves? Is that because fat is beautiful?

Facial piercing are just a guarantee that you will never get a good job in your life.

I talk in my sleep, and then I have to explain what and why I said what I said in my sleep to my lady in the morning. I don't remember 1/2 of what dream I was having that could have cause those words and I don't care about the other 1/2.

A woman undressing is a lot sexier then a naked woman.

Drunk people annoy me when I'm not drunk.

When people fall, it's funny.

I just saw a 60+ year old woman with perfect breasts. The only part that wasn't saggy. I got a little scared.

Why are people so rude on the internet? Typing things to people they would never say in person.

Females who molest underage boys should be treated the same as a man who molests underage girls, not given a free pass. Although, I still remember my 27 year old when I was 15. It wasn't a tragedy for me, I still look at it fondly and my buddies still talk about it like I was some type of hero. Thanks Holly :)

Do girls look foreword to Mardi Gras, getting drunk and showing their breasts for beads, or is that just a guy thing?

Only those who risk going to far will ever know how far they can go.

I would rather not loan a friend money and be called a jerk for not doing it, then be called a jerk when I went to collect it.

Why do people ask questions, and then when you answer them, they say no no?

Whoever said there's no such thing as a dumb question, must have asked a lot of dumb questions.

I was playing Hold Em and it came down to me and 1 other guy. He said good luck, I didn't believe he meant that.

I just played pinochle with a person from Cali, Australia and England. All from our homes. That's awesome

How many people are their in Iraq? Do you think they will just wipe themselves out if we let them?

I don't want to hear any complaints when people who choose to surf during a storm get injured or killed.

Who decided that BLEEP and feces are ok to say when BLEEP isn't?

I think it's funny how a Doctor can say I'm sorry by law, but a construction worker can't say oops.

I don't think we should put a label on marriage no matter who it is being married, interracial, gay, interfaith whatever it's still a marriage of 2 people.

If 2 hermalphadites have sex, would that be considered a 4some?

Today's models are to thin

Not everyone agrees with you. How you handle that is what separates you from the others.

I dropped out of high school at 15. I received my GED 6 months before my class graduated, and I have an Associates in Bus Mgmt. I consider myself a High School dropout, who graduated early, with a degree.

Ashley Judd says her husband went from 14th to 1st like a gentleman. Ashley, I don't want to see gentlemen race around the track, I want to see drivers who will do anything to win.

Cheerleaders are nothing more then eye candy for straight men and lesbians.

I like to annoy people I find annoying.

Conversations between people who don't agree are more interesting then between those who do.

Don't grub a cigarette off me, and then complain about the brand.

I carry a pen and notebook with me wherever I go, and will stop anywhere, anytime to write down thoughts. That's funny - if you use your imagination.

I can't decide what’s worse. Talking to someone with bad breath or sitting next to someone with body odor.

I never believe what a person says, I do believe how they act.

Throughout my life people have always asked me why my beautiful girlfriends were with me. I always said it was because I was brave enough to approach and talk to them, and I made them laugh.

My favorite weapon in the game Destroy All Humans is the anal probe. That game is just way to funny.

Boob cleavage is sexy. Butt crack cleavage isn't. Pull your pants up ladies.

There has only been 1 wrestler who ever got my blood flowing in every match he ever had. Thanks Hulkster, any chance on another comeback? I think you can still wrestle at 70 - doesn't Rick Flair do it?

A friend of mine says she won't eat anything that had parents. I won't eat anything that didn't.

The color of a woman’s hair has meaning. Blonde - sexy and dumb, Brunette - smart and independent, Red - Wild. Men's hair also has meaning. Full, balding, and bald - young, middle aged and old.

When I talk people say You're from NY right? When I go to NY and talk, my buddies make fun of me because of my accent? That's a lose lose.

I've never bit off more then I could chew. I've chewed more then I could swallow though.

I'm 5' 6" and 145 lbs. My mouth is 6' 5" and 280lbs

When people ask me stupid questions, I give them stupid answers - and they get mad.

Is this 50% off? Nope it's buy 1 get 1 free!

Ever talk to someone who isn't paying attention to you? huh?

Unattractive people who think and act like they are attractive are funny.

The bigger the muscles the smaller the wee-wee

I like karaoke nights

Modern Art - I don't get...Bob Ross art I enjoy tremendously.

Before you donate anything to an organization, please check them out fully. If you donate to an organization & find out you've been scammed - It's Your fault and there will be NO sympathy for you!

I've saved every gift my lady ever gave me. Every once in a while when she looks in the closet and sees things from years ago, all the things I've been doing that annoy her go away :)

The nicer people are to you the more you need to watch your back.

Just because you are 1000 years old and need an oxygen tank to breath doesn't mean I will let you take advantage of me.

Cross dressers should wear signs saying they are guys.

According to my pedometer, I walked 125 miles today. I wasn't tired until I saw that.

If there are posted warning signs and you choose to do it anyway, no one should save you if something happens. You are to stupid to live.

I would rather go through life talking about the things I chose to do and failed, then go through life wondering what would have happened if I had tried something I thought might have worked, but chose to be safe and secure and not do it.

I went to AA once to check on membership prices for my car. It was full of alcoholics.

People I work with can't understand why I get tips for doing my job and they don't. I tell them I am friendly. They say SO AM I!!!!

In the 70's I never liked George Forman, now I think he is a genuinely nice guy.

People who walk in on a conversation half way through and make a comment without really knowing what's being talked about annoy me.

I want a thank you when I do something for someone. I don't care about anything else, just a thank you. Ungrateful people annoy the snot out of me.

Most people don't like my landlord. They say he is nasty and mean. I get along with him fine. I also pay my rent on time and follow the rules. Since I do this, he allows me access to the places where people move out to get their stuff they leave behind. I take it all apart and reuse it to make the pet furniture.

Hey, the world doesn't owe you anything.

Don't substitute saying words to continue the story with other words that have no meaning like "and so forth" or blah blah blah. If you can take the time to say these other words, then finish the story with the right words.

I cleaned my house a ton over these 2 days. If you didn't see it before I started, you would say it was still a mess :(

A bum asked me if I had any change. I said yes, and kept walking.

I don't mind this current heat wave really. I moved to Florida for the heat, what right do I have to complain about it.

I would rather take off clothes then put clothes on.

Remember when you used to be able to get a book of matches when you bought cigarettes?

The mailman put my mail in the wrong box the other day. My lunatic neighbor yelled at me for it. I laughed.

Lotto is $25 million. I would take that over 25 years if I won it alone. I would rather get $1 million a year for 25 years then $7.5 million of a $25 million prize.

When reporting on Hurricane Dean, a weatherman said, "If you have a vacation planned or family in Jamaica, you should consider alternate plans :) I enjoy the idea of an alternate family - I am just wondering if I can choose the family.

If you have a separate coin jar for each type of coin, and separate your change accordingly, you might want to see a doctor.

I consider myself pretty lucky. Every time I'm up the creek, I can usually locate a paddle.

I have found that most people are generally nice, even criminals, if you smile and/or say hello first.

I've noticed a lot of people have a hard time talking with strangers. I enjoy it, unless the stranger is stranger then me. Luckily that doesn't happen to often.

Have you ever made up a word, and then used it and have people understand it's meaning?

Solution to watching porn in the library. Punch the moron watching it in the face. Then he can still have all his freedoms, and a bloody nose free of charge.

About the homeless again. how can we call them homeless. The people I talked to call their little tent in the woods home. Houseless or apartment less is more fitting. Even houseless/jobless people. Let's get it right here.

The easiest way to stop a person from asking you for money is to ask them for money 1st.

If you are only as old as you feel then here's how my day breaks down. Wake up 75, get ready for work 90, get to work 50, 1/2 way through the day 60, preparing to go home 20, on my way home 25, home 24, 2 hours after I am home 65 and tired.

I think blogging with no one reading and commenting is like talking to yourself.

So I guess I am single again. After all this time she put up with my BLEEP, it was an argument with her daughter that officially ended it. First time that ever happened. Anyone in the market for a poor, outspoken, self-centered individual who will only think about you after he thinks about himself? Hey, c'mon at least you know I'm honest!

My buddy broke his middle finger and they put a splint on it.

I always like to start my day by waking up.

Tonight’s High School Football game will be the Apopka Blue Darters vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Apopka is favored by 12.

The only thing worse then people are more people.

I dated a stripper once who wouldn't strip for me. She said it reminded her to much of work.

It is very hard to do this after getting dumped just 2 hrs ago. But hey the show must go on. I can't understand how I can be doing the same thing I was doing last night, but now I feel so alone doing it. I was alone watching Seinfeld last night, just as I am tonight but didn't feel alone then.

I asked my psychic for the lotto numbers and she said she can't tell me things for personal gain. Then why do I need a psychic, everything is for personal gain in some form or another, so she can't really tell me anything.

I tried a new psychic and she ran down my past and was checking me for responses. I played poker for 3 years professionally, I gave her none. At the end when she was done, I just got up and left and said I wouldn't be paying her because she was a fraud. She nodded and I left.

My computer checks my spelling, my calculator does my math, my remote changes my channels, my switch handles my lights, my washing machine does my laundry...I am very independent.

My house is a mess, my lawn needs to be mowed, today is my only day off and I'm in here writing this. Well at least my priorities are straight.

You can't win them all. Why not? Why can't I win them all?

I was on the phone with a buddy and I asked him what color a smurf would turn if you choked him. My lady walked in and asked what I just said. I said oh nothing...choking a smurf. She said - so that's what your calling it now?

Always keep a trash bag in your car. If it gets full...you can...just throw it out the window.

I'll substitute tp for a tissue, but I won't sub a tissue for tp. It has no hold together power.

Going all in during a free card game is fun. Doing it 5 times in a row and reading the aggravated comments from the people who don't realize it's a free game is funnier.

My house is very quiet. On a scale of 1 to 10, my house has a noise level of negative 1. If I talk, my animal friends come a running.

I write Chinese and I read only English. I can't decipherer what I wrote in my notes :(

I've been living in the same place for 3 years. Except for when I was growing up, this is the longest I've ever been in 1 place. I guess I'm getting old, because I don't even want to move anymore. I used to move at least twice a year, one year I moved 5 times.

We should do away with Valentine's Day, St. Valentine didn't discover love, so let's get rid of that farce. Why we're at it, let's also get rid of Mother's Day - Father's Day - Veterans Day - Armistice Day - and definitely fricken GROUND HOG DAY!

So, another person fell for that counterfeit money order scam. Even though Fox warns about this scam on a consistent basis, this woman still fell for it. That’s why I find it so ironic that she called Fox on this. Sorry sweetie, no sympathy here, you get the I’m a moron award for this week.

When people I know see me walking to work in the rain, they are very nice. They always honk their horns and wave to me J

You know the best thing about twenty eight year olds? There’s twenty of them.

Don’t waste your time complaining to me. I will probably just tell you something that you won’t want to hear anyway. Like the truth about yourself and the situation beyond the way you see it.

Why is it that the people who do the least amount of work complain the most about the work they have to do?

Just for laughs I sometimes go to the Wal-Mart parking lot and watch the people. You see some crazy BLEEP there. It’s a comedians paradise.

MY THOUGHTS ON

BUSINESS

People who are capable of working but beg for change in front of the 7-11 before I've had my coffee are really asking to get cussed out.

Do people who work in convenience stores have to let homeless people who smell use their restroom? If so, imagine you going in to use it right after that person!

Every summer it's the same song and dance. Gas goes up, people complain, politicians look into it and investigate to give the appearance they are doing something, then the summer ends, Mobil posts it's highest profits ever and we move on. Do you really expect a politician with his/her portfolio heavily weighted in energy or owning interest in fuel companies to stop them from making profits? Get real

Hire people with signs that say Will Work for Food, they are actually trying to do something and not just begging.

Didn't the FCC force AT&T to break up a few years ago because they were a monopoly. Now they are rebuying all those companies they sold off like Cingular and Bell South. and the FCC is approving these purchases. This is funny.

Most companies that say this call is being recorded, aren't recording calls.

We should have the right to find out how a telemarketer got our phone number. If someone is selling my information, I want a cut dammit, after all - it's mine! They use slogans like, if you want more offers from our friends, check this box. Then they sell it. You don't sell things to friends, you loan them so when you fight you can say remember when I loaned you this...where is it!...

How com the government is the only one besides Indians allowed to make money off of gambling. My 25 - 50 cent card game is illegal, but $20 scratch tickets and lotto isn't?

Designer clothes are cheap clothes that cost more.

I went to the movies with my lady friend and it cost $18 for us to get in. I got us 2 sodas and a popcorn for another $15. I paid with my card. When the clerk asked if I wanted my receipt I told him, "No, I don’t want to be reminded I just spent $15 on a popcorn and 2 sodas when I could have gotten a box of orvel reddenbokker and a 2 liter soda for $5 from Wal-Mart.

That change you leave behind in the donation jars in grocery and department store are tax right off's for those stores. A leading food chain wrote off 8 million dollars for their donations to Muscular Dystrophy, all of which was your money. Want to feel good that you donated? Buy a homeless person a sandwich.

Don't cry about gas prices if you drive a gas guzzler.

Why does an 18 year old clerk at 7-11 have to baby sit other people's children? Selling alcohol, cigarettes, and checking to see if they of age or get fined and lose their job if they make a mistake checking phony id's?

When I first started working I got 13 paid holidays. No I get 3 and I have to work on 2 of them.

Teachers are underpaid babysitters who work 9 months a year trying to teach other people's brats.

I don't get mad when condoms are stolen. They are trying to prevent something. I do get mad when pregnancy tests are stolen. This means there's another welfare food stamp baby my tax money will have to pay for just so he can grow up and rob my house.

I got hurt at work once, just when I was feeling better compensation set in and I was out for another month. Tragic story.

The clerk at the 7-11 gave me a lecture about how bad smoking was for me, then served the 2 hot dog, chip and drink special to a man 100 pounds overweight and didn't say a word.

When I first started partying, the rule was buy 2 drinks get the 3rd free. Now it's buy 2 drinks get the 3rd for the same price.

Now 10% more free! That’s BLEEP.

There was a sign on a hotel that read Managers Special All Rooms $49.95 I rented all the rooms. When I handed the clerk a $50 she got very upset.

Mortgage companies call me every day to refinance my home. I press 1, get a live person, and try and mortgage the home I am renting. Never works.

I let everyone who wants to do a product demo in my home with a free gift do it. I've gotten my rugs cleaned, house vacuumed, water tested, and free vacations, DVD players, cd players and I've never bought anything.

I cut up my credit card because my interest rate went up to 30%. I ran short on cash and took a 2 week loan from Amscot at 636 APR. Go figure.

My manager Richard Edward fired me because I called him Dick Ed.

Your preapproved! Now just fill out this application to see if you are really approved.

I painted a picture for my wall. I didn't like it so I sold it at the flea market for $25. Now I paint a lot of pictures I don’t like.

No matter how many tools I own, I always need that 1 more to make the job easier.

The only newspaper I ever bought on the checkout line is Weekly World News. Whatever happened to Batboy?

I dropped a box of Maxi's with Wings and the cover opened. I spent the next 2 hours chasing these things around with a butterfly net trying to get them back in the box.

I ordered 10 hot wings. I got 5 wings and 5 legs. I didn't order legs, I wanted wings. When I told the waitress she asked me if I was serious. If I wanted legs I would have ordered legs.

About wings. These things aren't chicken. They are baby chicks. Poor little chicks you buy at Easter for the yungens. I have never seen a full grown chicken with these little bitty wings and legs. Poor lil Chicks.

I like good old fashioned homemade cornbread. mmmm mmm

My mailbox gets flooded with porn, and at the same time I started receiving Sports Illustrated, Time Magazine, Maxim and Stuff magazines for free. I don't know what I did to get this stuff, but hey it's cool.

Embarq advertises their high speed internet service will never go higher then 24.95. Good deal except they never tell you that you must maintain a home phone line from their company to qualify. How quickly 24.95 turns into $75. I think they need to put that in their commercials too, or it's false advertising.

Chicken strips should come with a dancer pole

Saturday 2 women and 3 boys attempted to steal a rabbit from the flea market. When they were caught the mother took the rabbit out of her son's hands and threw it on the floor saying "What rabbit" They got away by trying to run over the owner of the booth. Things are really getting bad here.

There was an EPT test in my Tarot Card readers trash pail. I stopped going to her.

Lip liner is an advertising wonder. I guess no one would really buy it if they advertised what it really is...clown makeup

I change the prices on Wal-Mart's stack bases for fun

If you aren't going to buy something now, Stop Asking Questions about that item!

I must look a lot like Monty Hall, because people always want to play Let's Make A Deal when they buy something from me.

I make less money now then I did in the 80's.

A college degree doesn't mean you are smart. All it means is you can drink beer, and party.

I've always been told to do what signs tell me to do. Department stores hate it when I pass by the throw pillows.

I think different types of the same soda should have different names to avoid confusion. 15 different kinds of soda ending in Pepsi is annoying.

I spent $50 for 4 people to play mini golf.

I saw a sign that read : Golf for Autism Aug. 18 : No thanks. I don't want autism.

I've just been sued for $10k. I work 20 hrs a week and make $7.10 an hour, what chance do you think they have of collecting?

I am a pen thief. I have a box full of them, and I keep getting more.

My electric deposit is 4x higher then my highest electric bill, and they still want to shut me off if I'm 10 days late with the payment.

I want to move somewhere where I can just live off the land. Grow my own crops, hunt for meat and build a little cabin to live in like Grizzly Adams. Is there anywhere in this country where we can do that now?

Why is it that normally smart people lose all their intelligence when they enter a grocery store? Here's a clue, deodorant is in health and beauty, spices are in the baking aisle, water is with the soda and if you ask me for Dolphin or Maki Maki I will get pissed off.

Why do people think they can go into a convenience store in a bad mood and take it out on the poor clerks? These poor people can't even tell them to eat BLEEP and die for the way they are talked to in fear of losing their job because it is against company policy to treat a customer like they treat you. Instead you have to be extra nice. Screw that, hey Mr. CEO, what would you do if I walked into your office in a bad mood and took it out on you? Would you kill me with kindness or fire my ass?!

Tivoli is BLEEP. It never tapes the shows I want to watch on it's own. It always tapes some off the wall bs that I never watch!

$600 for a cell phone. I have a bridge for sale for that price too.

Why do I have to make my payments within 10 days, but to get a refund takes 2 billing statements for it to show up?

I got a charge on my phone bill from a 3rd party. When I called my phone company to find out what the charge was and have it removed, they said I had to call the 3rd party. I told them BS you charged it to me, I am not calling anyone else. I am calling you! Now take it off my bill. They did, after I called the 3rd party and told them I never approved any such charge.

My internet was out for a day. I complained and received a whopping 52 cents credit.

Don't give me a new waitress during lunch. I get a lousy hr to eat, and the waitress always forgets something. Train her at dinner when people have more time.

I don't always remember people that are nice or just take care of business. I ALWAYS remember people that were jerks. I have some special pork chops in the back for you, let me get them. Muu ha ha ha ha

When an employer gives you the option to quit or get fired, they are trying to get out of paying you unemployment by "giving you the chance to quit". Only 5% of people who quit a job get unemployment while 93% of people who get fired either collect unemployment or win legal battles against the company for illegal termination.

If all you do is gossip and spread rumors about other people, you are a waste of human skin.

If you pay $7 an hour, don't be surprised if you get $7 an hour worth of work.

Dodge Ram 1500 is suppose to be the longest lasting truck on the road. Then why don't I ever see any?

I had to explain the difference between selling things and getting people what they ask for. If a person comes in and wants 2 pounds of Salmon and you get it for them, you didn't sell anything - you got something for someone. If you added a jar of seasoning to the Salmon explaining how good it is to the person and they buy it to try it, then you sold the seasoning. So many people don't understand that.

I am closing my store at the flea market. I have found a pet shop to carry my items. I am also going to work full time for someone else. This is a sad day, I have always been a business owner, now I am a worker.

The people I work with get upset when customers come in late and want things steamed for them. I say if we say the butcher block is open until 9, then that means every part of it - even the steaming of BLEEP legs, shrimp or fish. If you have to stay late and clean it afterwards, so be it. If the company wants to fire you for it - that's a great lawsuit.

I have 20 years of retail experience and I was offered a retail job at $7 an hour. I had to take it because there was nothing else. Does this company really think I will stay with them and stop looking for another job that will pay me more?

The reason why businesses are caring less about customer service is the amount of scammers there are. 1 scammer can cause a loss for the company that it would take 10 customers to make up. Those of you that just look and don't say anything when you see a thief or a scammer, are also causing your own prices and service to falter.

Amazon and eBay are posting record profits. This is the only venue left for the small people to have a business. Thanks Wal-Mart

Ever notice that around a Wal-Mart the only other stores are fast food or other "specialty" stores with a gimmick like GameStop? Nothing else can survive.

Wal-Mart says most of their items are Made in America. That's funny because every box I get from them says Made in China.

Eventually, the government will have to force Wal-Mart to stop carrying some of their departments. They are a Monopoly right now, and need to be broken up.

Most people I talk to hate Wal-Mart. The lines, they are out of a lot of stuff and there is never and help on the floor. But they shop there anyway.

Mop and Glow my butt.

Swifter is a scam.

I don't like the idea of having home phone, cell, internet and TV all available from 1 company. I'll pay the multi-bills then having to suffer with poor service, not being able to get internet unless I get cable or a phone line, or terrible phone service. Break these companies up.

I won the Simpson’s complete 10 Seasons DVD set promotion with 7-11. I am wondering if I will receive it, because the rules state if you enter a code twice you can be made ineligible. I made that mistake once, and I also entered the same winning code to show my lady. Then I read the rules. Silly me.

If the sign says 2 for $5 that doesn't always mean $2.50 each if you buy one. That does mean 2 for $5.

A customer complimented me to 1 of my managers the other day. When I asked who, I was told Mrs. Robinson. I made a couple of The Graduate jokes in reply. No one got them. I felt very old.

I paid $20 for my microwave 3 years ago and I use it very often. It still works fine. I spent $100 for a cappuccino/espresso/coffee machine and it already broke after 6 months.

Doesn't Billy Paine from B&A Auto Sales look like Pete Rose

Domino’s Brooklyn and Philly style pizzas don't do either of these 2 cities pizza styles justice. If they were to sell this in those cities they would be laughed out of town....or beaten.

If you put me in an area on my job that pays more money, then I want the more money dammit.

I wont donate or buy anything associated with Jerry's kids from any store, so they can right off my money as a donation to MDA from them. I will call in a pledge during the telethon.

Having to work on Labor Day is wrong.

WHY AREN'T THERE ANY HOLIDAYS IN AUGUST!!!!

Walgreens had a sign out front that read : Come in and visit our friendly pharmacy staff. I went next door to 7-11 and grabbed a couple of coffees and walked to the Walgreens pharmacy. I walked up and said hi, gave them their coffee and we talked for around 20 min about all kinds of things. They are friendly there!

Don't we have enough illegal’s in this country to charge Mattel less then China does to produce their toys?

A woman was telling me how she was behind on her rent and electric, and how she had no food in her house. Then she asked me if she could borrow money. I said no. She is behind on all her bills! I'll never get that money back.

I made arrangements to pay off a bill I was sued for. Using my current salary plus increases, I should have it paid in full in 13 1/2 years. LOL

I don't agree with no-fault auto insurance. Why should good drivers risk their insurance rate rising because some numbnutz hits them in the rear?

I am so tired of watching the same format for the local car dealers' commercials. Stop showing the people standing in their lots or showrooms just talking. Get original, and get a different format for each dealer. And Maas stop pointing your fingers at me, I have a finger I point back at you every time.

I don't like dance clubs, I like bars with pool tables, darts and an active juke box.

At the New Semerna speedway, kids under 11 are free. If I wanted kids, I would definitely go there and pick me up a couple.

I wonder what happened since gas was over $3 a gallon to send it back down to $2.63? Did we find more gas?

I will never understand why corporations spend more

My Thoughts

My Thoughts : The Manuscript

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